


You Covered my Heart in Kisses

by poisonous_mushroom



Category: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Erik is not a Happy Bunny, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonous_mushroom/pseuds/poisonous_mushroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>You found me dressed in black</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Hiding way up at the back</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Life had broken my heart into pieces</i>
  <br/>
  <i>You took my hand in yours</i>
  <br/>
  <i>You started breaking down my walls</i>
  <br/>
  <i>And you covered my heart in kisses</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Covered my Heart in Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> This story, its title and summary are inspired by the beautiful song "Dressed in Black" by Sia.
> 
> I apologize for every mistakes this may have, I tried to proofread as much as I could, but since English is not my first language, I certainly missed some mistakes.

The sky is completely black. He can see the thousands of stars shining, reflecting a light that he knows has been dead for a long time, now. It is a depressing thought.

As he doesn't have enough.

He can feel the wind slapping his face, the weather of December being merciless. He is cold, but he doesn't care. That pain is almost a distraction, it almost makes him think about something else.

Almost.

He doesn't look down at first, concentrating on the sky, on the lights of the street, on the horizon. It's beautiful, really, how the city and the sky seem to melt together when he looks so far away.

But then his gaze is attracted to the ground, and he can't help but look.

It's so _high_. He didn't realize the building was that tall before.

But it doesn't really matter. Actually, the higher, the better.

His toes are already facing the void.

A wrong movement, an imbalance would be enough to make him fall.

But it won't be a mistake. When he falls, it will be because he'll jump.

And he will.

His eyes are drawn to the void. He already has the impression that the ground comes closer to him.

He is silent as he lives what he is sure will be the last minute of his miserable existence. As he always has been.

He is silent, but his mind is screaming.

**

It is past midnight when Charles suddenly opens his eyes. He has fallen asleep on his desk, _again_ , and the lamp that has stayed lit burns his eyes. But he couldn't care less. His mind is already wide-awake and he jumps out of his chair in order to go out of his apartment, without having a second thought.

 _Erik_.

Erik's mind is screaming, shouting and he couldn't help but hear it. Except for his sister, no one knows he is a telepath, and he never uses his power on someone. But here, it is like Erik is projecting without even knowing it, like he is screaming for someone to hear him.

Charles does.

He doesn't wait for the elevator and climbs the stairs as fast as he can.

Erik's life is in danger. He is about to make a huge mistake, and he can't let that happen.

Of course, who is he to intrude into people's life like this? After all, Erik is just a neighbor, a handsome man he drank tea and chatted with a couple of time, nothing more. 

But there is this thing, the sadness in his eyes that never seems to let go of him, even when he smiles, which happens quite rarely, he has to admit. This thing that made him want more than once to have a look into his mind, just to make sure he was alright, but he never did it, always thinking about how wrong it is to violate someone's privacy like that. 

Now, as he keeps going upstairs, breathless and panicked, he regrets it.

He finally reach the door that leads to the rooftop and opens it quietly, making sure that Erik doesn't flinch and falls when he hears him.

If Erik does hear him closing the door behind him, he doesn't turn around, facing the vastness of the city.

It is hard to distinguish him from the night, all dressed in black as he is. Charles can see the back of his head, his short hair swirling with the wind.

Standing on the edge of the roof, he is about to jump, Charles knows it, he can hear it from the shouting thoughts still coming from Erik.

He can't let him do this.

He just can't.

"Erik..."

**

Erik hears his name. He stays still, but he could have recognized that voice anywhere.

Charles. 

Erik feels the panick grows inside his body. The last thing he wants is to have to deal with Charles now. Because then Charles will ask him why and he can't. 

He doesn't move but says: "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you... You were screaming..."

Charles' voice is hesitant. Now, Erik turns back slowly. That doesn't make any sense. 

"I wasn't screaming." He answers. He tries to avoid Charles' eyes. Not only because they are too much of that incredible blue, but because his piercing gaze always seems to be able to see through his mind and read his soul. Charles gives him what looks like a sorry smile. 

"Your mind was", he says while putting two of his fingers on his temple. He recognizes the gesture. He has already seen it coming from a very few people. 

"You're a telepath..." It's not even a question. Charles nods, still smiling apologetically. 

Erik starts to freak out. It cannot be possible. If Charles is indeed a telepath, then it means he has read his thoughts, that he has seen his life...

"I promise you I never read your mind or anything, Erik. I never do, with anyone. But tonight, I am sorry, you are making it very difficult for me not to hear. Now please get down of that thing..." 

Erik turns back again. He can't look at Charles. It's too painful. And he's tired of pain. It's the main thing he's ever felt during his whole life. It has to stop. He has to jump. But can he do it while Charles is watching?

"Erik, please... We... You... We can talk about this, can't we?"

"And what are you going to say? That life is a wonderful gift and that it's worth living whatever happens?"

"No. I know that life can be... Really difficult, no to say anything else but... Erik seriously? What are you? 30? Not even? The average human life lasts approximately 80 years, don't you think you have the time to make it better?"

Charles sounds helpless and doesn't even care. He's just looking for the right thing to say to make Erik change his mind, to make him move, so he is secure again.

"I understand that if you're here you think that your life can't get any worse. But it also means that it only can get better from now. Please don't do this, Erik, think about..."

"Don't you think I didn't think about it? You think it's a wandering thought I've had during the night? It's been years, Charles, and now I just can't take it anymore. »

Charles’ eyes widens, like he doesn’t expect Erik to be so desperate. His gaze travels from Erik’s face to his feet, still standing dangerously on the edge of the roof. His heartbeat accelerates. Ho doesn't know what to do to make Erik move away from the edge. He does have a radical solution to do so, but he can't just resolve to enter Erik's mind like this, let alone to control him.

"Please..." So he just begs. His legs carry him closer to Erik without his consent.

"No!" Erik shouts. "Stay where you are. You shouldn't be here."

"I heard you", Charles repeats.

"You should've stayed at your place. You should've ignored me..." Erik's voice is so low now, that Charles hardly hears him. The wind is making the task harder. Still, he heard that.

"What... Erik, I couldn't have done that... ever..."

"Why not?" Erik doesn't look at him anymore, his eyes staring at the horizon. "It doesn't matter."

Charles suddenly feels like his heart weighs a thousand pounds in his chest. He feels the waves of sincerity coming from Erik. He truly believes what he said. He truly believes that he doesn't matter, and that is unacceptable.

"You can't say that, Erik..."

"Go away, Charles. I'm serious."

He is. Charles can feel that he is. Or at least, he wants to convince himself of that. But the truth is, if Charles has been able to hear him, there is a reason. He can't believe that it was only because Erik is desperate. He doesn't hear all the suicide people in town, after all. It's just Erik. 

And Charles is certain that Erik wants to be helped.

"I won't. I won't move from here until you get down and we can talk."

"I don't want to talk."

_I want to die._

The thought is so clear that it could have been said at loud. Charles can feel his eyes filling up with tears against his will. It is the first time he feels so useless when he wants to _do_ something so badly.

"No, no, you can't say that, Erik, you can't die!"

"Get out of my head, Charles!"

_I don't want him to see, he can't see, he can't..._

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to see anything, I promise, it's not my fault I heard you, but now that I'm here, I won't move, Erik, please...!"

Charles can't help but keep talking, hoping that somehow, it will distract Erik long enough not to jump. He is so close to the edge that Charles can feel the nauseous reaction he always has when confronted with heights. Yet he keeps moving, one step at a time, disobeying Erik, ignoring his own fear.

"You're afraid of heights."

It's not a question. Erik is looking at him with an unreadable expression. Charles didn't realize he was projecting.

"I'm sorry, you weren't meant to hear that."

"But I did."

Erik turns back one again. This time he looks decided.

"You really should go, Charles."

There is something about his voice, about his tone. Something about the way his shoulders lowers like the weight of the world is resting on them. Something about the tiny, _tiny_ step he makes. 

Something that makes Charles loses it.

"Erik, no! I'm begging you, don't do this! You can't... you can't just..." He can't find his words. "Why...?" he finally asks in a whisper.

"I thought you were a telepath."

"I told you I never read your mind", Charles answers, enjoying the time he is saving as much as he can. "I would have done it if I knew this, though."

"Don't!" Erik suddenly sounds angry. "Don't do it."

"I won't if you don't want me to. But please..."

"Leave, Charles."

"Erik, no..."

"I SAID LEAVE! GO AWAY, NOW!" Erik shouts while turning away to face Charles.

And then time stops.

Because the movement makes Erik stumbles and Charles sees his body beginning to bend, curving in the night, just about to fall.

But Charles is faster than he has even been before, and catches Erik's hand in his, helping him to find balance, again.

And since physical contact has always makes it harder for Charles to keep his telepathic barriers shut, at the second their hands touch, he sees.

He sees everything.

_He sees that the only memories Erik has of his father are made of the pain his disease made him suffer, then dying when Erik was so young._

_He hears the gunshot that made Edie's Lehnsherr's heart bleed, straining her beautiful dress. His sees his mother lying on the floor of the kitchen, eyes still open in the terror that was her last feeling. He sees his mother dead, killed right in front of him._

_He feels the despair, his powers making the room shivers like they never did before._

_He sees the man that took care of him then, only interested in his powers, forcing him to do things he didn't want to do. This man who, he will later learn, had ordered his mother's murder, just to have Erik for him alone._

_He feels the pain._

_He's experimented on, he's forced to do things that leave him weaker and weaker each time._

_He remembers the day he finally escaped, running as fast as he could, trying not to mind his lungs burning._

_He remembers how he tried to start a new life, but how anything he started failed miserably._

_His career. His love life._

_He remembers Magda, and how she said she loved him._

_He remembers the day he told her about his powers, and can still see her disgusted face._

_He remembers how she spat the word "mutant" like it was some kind of disease._

_He remembers the word "monster", and it reminded him that it is what he is, after all._

_He feels lonely. The loneliest in the world._

_He remembers the day he moved in here, taking a look outside, watching people enjoying the happiness he was sure he would never have._

_And then there is Charles._

_He remembers the first time he saw him, captured by those blue eyes, this smile, that kindness._

_He remembers the talks they had, the drinks they shared._

_He remembers how he didn't understand why a man made him feel like something was possible._

_Hope._

_How his heart always beats a little faster and louder when Charles is around. How Charles says "Hi!" whenever he sees him, asking him how he is doing, like he really cares._

_He remembers how he felt himself falling in love without being able to do anything about it._

_But then he remembers a few days ago, when he saw a tall, beautiful blonde girl with Charles in front of the building, saying goodbye to each other, Charles kissing her on the temple softly, tenderly, like she was the most precious thing in the world._

_He remembers how his heart broke into pieces, achieving what a lifetime of unhappiness had already well started._

Charles is breathless. He feels Erik's memories like they are his own.

He still has Erik's hand in his. 

He presses it harder.

Erik is looking at him into the eyes and Charles can't turn his eyes away.

Erik is panting, hard, his chest shaking and Charles can see it coming but still feels helpless when Erik suddenly bursts out into tears, moving away from the edge of the roof, kneeling under the pressure of his pain. Charles can feel it himself. It's huge and he doesn't even know how Erik can manage to bear it.

Charles doesn't think twice and goes in front of him, kneeling too, taking him in his arms, hugging him with all the strength he's capable of.

"I'm here", he whispers gently, once, twice, a hundred times. He strokes his hair, his back, everything he can reach will Erik lets out all the tears he held up all these years.

"I'm here, I won't let you go, Erik." He seals his promise with a kiss on his forehead, another on his cheeks, a thousand others on his wet eyelids, his nose, his jaw.

He feels Erik's heart beating faster and covers it with his hand to feel it better.

"It's going to be okay, I'm here..."

Erik is now watching him in confusion, his beautiful eyes reddened by the tears.

So Charles does what he should have done a long time ago.

He sends him his own feelings, the affection he has always felt for Erik, how he wanted to know more about him, how he wanted to turn his sad smile into a happy one.

The image of the blonde girl doesn't leave Erik's mind, and Charles laughs, a small yet reassuring laugh while he mentally reveals that Raven is his sister, nothing less, nothing more.

"You're not alone, Erik," Charles whispers, leaning his forehead against Erik's. "You won't be alone ever again, I promise..."

"Charles..." Erik's voice is broken and hoarse. Charles can feel that Erik doesn't want to believe this. He is so afraid of letting hope filling him up to be destroyed again that he prefers not to hope. So Charles keeps on sending him how sincere he is, how he truly, truly wants to make him happy.

"Shhh..." Charles hugs him more tightly. "I'm going to take care of you, it's going to be okay, I promise, I promise, I promise..."

And Charles kisses him, to make the words even more true. He lets this kiss carry every feeling, every promise. He shows him how much he wants Erik to be the man he will love forever.  
Erik sobs into the kiss and suddenly wrap his arms around Charles, hugging him back, and Charles feels that Erik just realized that everything is true, that Charles genuinely means every word that he said.

The kiss ends and they look at each other for what feels like an eternity. Charles erases Erik's tears from his cheeks with his thumbs.

"Don't abandon me, please..." Erik murmurs, almost inaudible. He feels ashamed of letting his insecurities out like that, of showing his weaknesses, but he also wants to trust Charles with all his heart.

"Never." Charles answers, more confident than ever.

 _It won't be easy_ , Erik sends, because he know that Charles is listening to him, now. He touches his heart with one hand and doesn't need to say more than _broken_.

Charles smiles. A small smile, full of hope and promises, full of a better future, and leans his head to kiss where he can feel Erik's heart beating: the most beautiful sound of all.

 _I'll repair it_ , he promises, covering Erik's heart in kisses.

**Author's Note:**

> Perhaps this will have a sequel, it depends on the time and inspiration I have.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, even if it was sad and depressing as hell ;)


End file.
